Autism Spectrum Disorder and L O V E

The other day I overheard a girl, probably around 10-yrs-old ask her mother a question about love. Her question was in essence –  since she was diagnosed with Asperger’s and has a difficult time understanding people’s facial or word intonations; how, when she grows up, will she know if a man truly loves her when he asks her to marry him?

This is a question that many of us both ASP and NT wonder, and there is no simple answer to her question. So, I did a little research regarding love and relationships. What I discovered was that in order to give or receive love (not surprisingly , one must love oneself. For if one cannot love oneself, how can love others or see love in others?

Let us start with loving ourselves. Here is a self-affirmation pledge written especially for individuals with Asperger’s, by Liane Holliday Willey, EdD from her book, Asperger’s Syndrome in the Family, Redefining Normal:

Asperger Self-Affirmation Pledge

  1. I am not defective. I am different.
  2. I will not sacrifice my self-word for peer acceptance.
  3. I am a good and interesting person.
  4. I will take pride in myself.
  5. I am capable of getting along with society.
  6. I will ask for help when I need it.
  7. I am a person who is worthy of another’s respect and acceptance.
  8. I will find a career interest that is well suited to my abilities and interests.
  9. I will be patient with those who need time to understand me.
  10. I am never going to give up on myself.
  11. I will accept myself for who I am

Okay, so once you accept yourself, what about love interests? How can we know if they love us? An article written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D gives clues:

  1. Wants to spend time with you.
  2. Asks about your day.
  3. Trusts you.
  4. Helps you when you need it.
  5. Shows respect for your views.
  6. Includes you in decisions.
  7. Shows affection.
  8. Looks at you.
  9. Likes to talk about the pas
  10. Is willing to go to bat for you and your relationship.
  11. Makes you feel good about yourself.

So, here you go. A basic primer regarding love. Good luck!



About WriterSan

I look for the truth in all things and search for "Perfect Cupcake." (Which I did find once, but my daughter ate it before I could immortalize it in a photo.)
This entry was posted in ASPERGERS, Autism, book review, Love and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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